Dorothea, you are my sunshine xxx

It is with great sadness, that I write this blog post, in memory of my dear Mum, Dorothea Avril Noreen Fisher, who sadly passed away, just after mid night, this morning. All friends and relatives, know that she had dementia and Alzheimer's and was the inspiration for this blog. I have always feared the journey I was on with her, and although, today I am devastated and feel this huge, huge gaping hole in my life, I know that her slipping away this morning was a blessing for her... she could still say proudly, 'I am 87 and I don't have an ache or a pain in my body!'

In the end it was her heart that failed, and actually it was her dementia and Alzheimers, which actually made her passing something I can remember with a smile. For most of the time she thought she was in some sort of hotel, having announced that Tim was going to become Lord Mayor of Leeds, and I was going to be the Lady Mayoress. She was coming to live with us in a special new home, befitting of our titles. She asked me about the clothes I had got for the special celebration dinner and when the nurses bed bathed her, she was having a special health and well being treatment, in her hotel.

Sadly, I can not pretend it was all like this. When the night shift came on, they were so short staffed, that there was no one to bring her the pain killers she needed. Eventually when we did get help, I heard her still sticking up for herself and telling the nurse, that she too had been a nurse. 'I was a nurse, and never in all the years that I worked did I ever see a patient suffer the pain that I am suffering now.'

Once pain relief was in place, she relaxed again... she knew she was going, but she was able to talk about Paddy, my father, who died when I was only 7years old, and knew that he was coming for her.

At just after midnight, she woke, sat up, looked at my brother and I, reached out for a hug from each of us, and then lay back and peacefully slipped away....

The pain I feel now is enormous... my life has revolved around making sure she has food, knowing that myself or her carers were feeding her everyday, bathing her, washing her clothes, shopping etc... I am lost, but know she has found peace.

The Rainbow Jane project will carry on in her memory.

Thank you to friends and family who has sent so many kind messages. I am sorry I haven't replied to you all, but together you have helped me to keep strong today.

The sound track to the slide show above, is a recording of Mum and I singing together... I apologise for our singing, but I wanted to share the recording. Listen to the end, and you will hear how she doesn't know she is in hospital. Before this singing, I had played her the last series of Song of Praise and we had sung the hymns in these programs too! It was a good job they had put us in a side room.

You are and always will be, my sunshine, Mum. xxxxx